The fight that lasts forever
by never-give-up-hope2
Summary: What if you're a spy for the Capitol during the first rebellion? But then you fall in love and in a world where nothing is as it seems, you find yourself doubting everything you've ever been told.
1. Prologue

**So this is the prologue of my new story. I hope you like it and am sorry if this part is short, but it's meant to be. **

She paid no heed to the twigs and branches that were whipping her face as she ran. She subconsciously leapt over fallen trees and puddles to deep to wade through. You could see the path her crazed body was making through the foliage, it would be easy to trace. She didn't care though, running was her main goal, to get inside and away.

The rain started, icy needles pricking her skin, making her feel alive. Adrenaline was the only ting keeping her going right now, the only thing keeping her from collapsing at this precise moment. There were no people - this was a forest - but she could here distant sounds of fighting, which reminded her of two cymbals clashing together. Here head thrashed from left to right, over both shoulders. There was no visible person behind her, but still she didn't relax. The person could be anywhere, anyone.

Words like _infiltrate _and _befriend _raced through her mind, making her stop for a fraction of a second. These words were the lifeline she clutched, they were all she had, there were her purpose. But, there was still doubt in her mind, if she was right in doing what she was. Or was she wrong?

You can't run forever, she knew that. Yet there was a part of her that really believed she could defy biology, that she could live forever. There is something about a rush that makes you feel invincible, but you're not. What if you could unravel the web of lies you told to the world, would they last forever? A long thin line that - no matter how hard you look- you can never see the end of.

That momentary lapse in concentration caused her to stumble, to lose the rush she had been counting on. She tried to claw back some of that energy, but it was as if a vulture was sitting on her chest, making her cough and gasp. Hell, this couldn't be happening. All her years at the academy had made sure she wouldn't be the one to give up in a chase. And even though she wasn't in one, the situation was pretty damn close.

She started to gasp and there was a pounding pain at the back of her eyes. Still, she kept on going. Flying over things that did not even exist, but it was better safe than sorry. Then the wheezing started, terrible wheezing that made her feel as if she was coughing up her lungs.

She fell to her knees, clutching her chest in agony. The wheezing was getting worse but that was nothing compared the banging in her head. She fell onto her back and gave up, not attempting to run anymore. _Let them get me, _she thought, _or better yet, let me die right here. _The sky was coming closer and getting brighter. Before the light closed in she managed to raise her head and whisper, "Tessalie," before passing out.

**I know that was short but it's the prologue and I wasn't going to put one but I decided I should. :D **


	2. Chapter 1

**First chapter. I decided to write another story since I got mostly good feedback on my last one. I know the other one was really bad but hopefully this one will be A LOT better. **

My first instinct is to get up. The rock I am lying on is digging into my back and giving me pain. I open my eyes to find two brown ones staring back at me.

"I wouldn't move if I were you," says the owner of these eyes and I notice that they belong to a boy, about the same age as me. He looks worried, well, I suppose I would too if I found a strange girl passed out in the middle of nowhere.

"Why?" Can that really be my voice? My throat feels as if it's paved with sawdust.

"What if you're hurt. Medical protocol says that you shouldn't move, you could aggravate the injury." Says the boy, biting his lip. I get a feeling that it's a nervous habit, the same way I blink my eyes rapidly.

"Look," I say, standing up, "I'm fine." I walk around in feeble circles until I feel dizzy. I perch on a rock, the one next to him. He moves farther away, can I really look that bad? Then I see the water bottle and small box next to him.

"Um, would you like some?" he says timidly, offering the water bottle. I thank him and swig it down, needing to remove the lump in my throat. I have broken a rule already, and I haven't even officially started. The boy watches me, silently blinking. I steel myself for a question, and sure enough, here it comes.

"So, What's your name?" I feel uneasy, knowing that I'll have to lie to him. Then again, why should I feel uneasy. He's a complete stranger and the enemy, I put up the wall. The mental wall that cuts me off from everyone and everything.

"Tessalie," I lie, without missing a beat, "what's yours?" This is good, if I keep turning the questions onto him then he won't want to ask so many. Sometimes I'm thankful for the training at the academy.

He looks puzzled by the strange name, "Tessalie, no offence but that's quite strange. Do you mind if I call you Tessa?" I will be long gone before this strange boy has a chance to tell me anything. It's quite pretty though, "No. I don't mind. So I'll ask again, what's your name?"

"Sam." comes the short reply. I was expecting something outrageous and stupid, my father says that people in the districts always have names like that. Sam is quite normal though, normal for a person who lives in the districts.

"Well, hello Sam. Thanks for the water. Now I really must go," I say, standing up and tying my shoe lace. Sam stands up also.

"What, why do you need to go? Where did you come from anyway?" I freeze and lift my eyes. You can easily see the path my crazed body made in the foliage. The damaged branches that provide and excellent trail for finding me. I don't remember every sordid detail, just the running away.

"I just need to leave. What district is this anyway?" I ask, my guess is that I'm quite far south so maybe district eleven or twelve. I start to stretch, preparing myself for the fast run should Sam decide to follow me. He doesn't make a move, just replies, "eight."

Eight? That's further north than I thought. Damn, it means I have to travel further to get to my destination. Ugh, I was in the capitol a few days ago, how did I get to eight? "Well, thanks, I really should go now." I say and I make a move towards the forest. Just at that moment my ankle chooses to seize up and I fall.

"See, I knew you were hurt." Sam says triumphantly, "Are you okay Tessa," he says, helping me to my feet. I shake my head, it hurts so much. I have had lessons dedicated to keeping balance whilst injured and all of that. But right now I ignore all that information and breathe deeply.

"Tell you what, why don't you come back to my house. My mother can bandage you up. She's a rebel nurse." he says proudly. I am horrified. I cannot go back to this stranger's house. Reason one: He's on the opposite side and reason two: he's a total stranger!

"Erm.. You know what I think I'll just be going. I don't want to put your mother to any trouble and I'll use a branch as a cane so I can get to where I want to go." I say hurriedly, casting around for one. When I come up empty he is still smiling.

"I promise you I'm not an axe murder, I cross my heart," he says, crossing both arms over his chest. He seems nice, a person who you would want to be your friend. I highly doubt that he's involved in any dodgy business.

"Mmm," I stall but by then he has grabbed my hand and is pulling me in what I'm guessing is the direction of his home. I really don't want to touch him but then I remember the words I was told before I left: _Get in. I don't care where or how, just do it. We need a asset, somebody on the inside, Befriend. _They were orders, not words. Believe it or not, there is a difference.

When I was three, we moved house. Our old one had been a small apartment in the middle of the city, this new one was an actual house on the outskirts. I had been looking forward to it for a year, getting my own room, room to breathe. I dreamed of towers where I could be a princes with long flowing hair, with pink bedcovers and a hundred maids to do what I want.

But when we got out of our car I was sorely disappointed. It was not the magical castle I had built it up to be in my mind, it was big and an ugly shade of red. Instead of towers there was a staircase which led to an attic. Instead of one hundred maids I had a governess, and even though she was lovely, I hated her for not being the person I wanted her to be.

There is a simple equation for happiness: Improve your reality or lower your expectations.

As we get closer to Sam's house, I remember that time. But I'm not expecting Sam's house to be anything special, he lives in district eight for crying out loud. And I'm right, his house is a simple white bungalow with low windows. In an attempt to make the place cheery, somebody has planted roses around the perimeter and has painted the window frames blue. It looks old - scratch that- it looks tired.

"Mother, I'm home." Sam calls out. A woman appears in the frame of the doorway. Her hair is blonde and long, so beautiful. She is wearing a nurse's set of scrubs and I'm guessing that she has just come home from a shift. Her face is pretty, fine laughter lines appear in the crease at the corner of her mouth when she smiles, "So I can see," she laughs, "and who is your friend."

I shuffle awkwardly, I feel so grubby next to her, my short black hair and pale skin makes me seem dark and scary compared to this fair lady. "I'm Tessalie," I say, offering my hand, "but you can call me Tessa."

"Well, it's very nice to meet you Tessa. Now Sam," she says, rounding on him, "please tell me why you brought this charming young girl back to our house."

"Mother, she hurt her ankle. I told her you could look at it for her," Sam pleads, defending his actions.

"Daft boy." she mutters under her breath, "Well at least you a gentleman, unlike _some _people." she stresses the last part, "Oh do stop it Ma," comes a voice from the kitchen and the women smiles. "Well Honey, let me take a look at your ankle."

She motions for me to sit down on the sagging brown sofa. I oblige and she starts feeling the bone, asking me questions on the pain and can I feel that? The comes the dreaded question of, "How did you do this?"

"Emm," I hesitate, I can hardly tell her that I'm a spy and was running from a dangerous operative can I? "I tripped," I say. It's kind of true, I did trip, sort of.

"Well I'm afraid that it's badly sprained, you'll need to keep it elevated for at least two days and no walking for a week." She says, clipping the bandage she was wrapping around my ankle.

Crap. Where will I go? My plan was to keep on moving, sleeping only when I had to but now that's been thrown out the window. I'll just need to hobble back into the forest and figure out a plan from there.

"Thank you for this Mrs-" I waver, "Hinell," she interjects. "Well thank you for this Mrs Hinell, truly. Now I really must go. Goodbye." I say, getting up off the sofa. The pain is unbearable but I manage to walk to the door. "Goodbye Sam." I say softly, not a hint of regret in my voice. I hobble off.

I am back where all this started, in a clearing in the forest. I can hear the distant sounds of fighting which sound like drums. I find my bag pack and dig around for some painkillers. I come up with some morphine sulphate tablets. They make my thought foggy but that's exactly what I could use right now. Something to dull the memories so I can get some sleep.

I unroll my sleeping back between two trees and watch the July sun set in the sky. Where does it go when we can no longer see it? Is it like the stars, always there but we can only see them in the dark? Or is it completely different? Where does everything go? Where do we go? When the earth has used us and we are no longer of any use. Do we go where the sun goes? I hope so. No darkness to hide any bad thought, just light. I fall asleep with light in my mind, a bright light, lighting up everything in it's path. Taking away the pain.

**I hope you like this part. **


	3. Chapter 2

**I am so sorry for any grammar mistakes that I make. My laptop sometimes randomly deletes letters and makes it look stupid. I do know how to spell and things, just to clear that up : ) **

In my dream I do not know where I am. There is a rolling mist and nobody is answering my calls, my pleads to be let out of here. A woman appears in front of me, her hair the colour of chestnuts, in rolling waves, falling just beneath her waist. She hurries past me, pulling her pink coat tightly around her. It is not cold.

"Mami, Mami!" I shout, trying to get her attention but she doesn't turn around, doesn't even slow down. I know I haven't made a mistake. My mother had that coat and that hair. I remember putting it in elaborate styles when I was about ten. It was so soft and smelled like oranges.

"Mami, come back," I yell, trying to run after her. The fog makes it hard, I can barely see ten feet in front of me. I run after her, trying to reach her before it's too late. Before I lose her again.

"Mami," I wail and start to cry. There is the familiar scent of her perfume, lemon and bergamot, more like soap but it's still a lovely smell. I run after her again but then I trip and I can't get back up. All I can do is watch her walk away from me. I remember that there is some places mother's go where daughters aren't meant to follow.

XXX

My ankle hurts like hell. I could barely get up, despite taking another morphine sulphate tablet. They cloud my mind which is why I can't take too many. The only other alternative would be a morphling injection. I only have three and was told to save them for the worst pain. I think I can manage to survive this.

I go to the small lake I found earlier to wash. I manage to peel of the bandage that Mrs Hinell put on me yesterday and find that my ankle is an interesting shade of blue/black. Like an oil slick it goes from the bottom of my ankle to just under halfway up my leg. I press lightly and can feel the congealed blood under the skin. It's like somebody has given it a good smash with a hammer.

I need food. I have a small amount of money and decide to see if there is anywhere in this god-forsaken place to eat. So, packing up my small camp I set off for the boundary.

There is almost nothing left of the town centre, some rubble and a few shops are all that remain of district eight's vast town centre. I pause for a moment; did _we _do this. By we I mean the Capitol, whose side I am on. They say the districts are evil but now I am not so sure. Now, I have no idea.

While I am waiting in a queue with some people for a drink of water I hear a familiar voice. "Tessa, is that you?"

Oh no. I couldn't have possibly run into him again. I took great pains to avoid the route where we might cross paths. Don't get me wrong, he is a nice person but I can't get close to him. He is the kind of person that you'd feel guilty from taking a present from. I spin around, "Hi Sam," I say brightly, faking a smile.

I notice he glanced down at my ankle, "I could have sworn my mother said no walking for a week." he says sarcastically. I can't stand sarcasm, if it was just him and I, I would deck him.

"Yeah well Sam I couldn't just stay in the forest a week could I? I sigh and then clasp my hands over my mouth. Realising too late that I have let the cat out of the bag.

"Shit Tessa. Why the hell are you sleeping in the forest?" he says, annoyance clear in his voice.

How can I answer this? "Erm, well I sort of have nowhere else to go." I say timidly, cursing myself for being so shy.

"You could have told me," he says softly.

"Well what could you have done?" I snap back.

"Let you stay at my house. How about you come back and stay at mine? You know my family and I'll let you stay as long as you want. My mother won't mind, she likes helping people." he says earnestly.

Before I say no, the word _befriend_ comes into my mind and I bite back my original response, "Are you sure you mother won't mind?"

When he smiles, it's like the first flower in spring, you feel honoured to have witnessed it. It's something you want to keep in a box so you can look at it whenever you want. Sam grabs my arm and pulls my gently along. "She'll be happy to see you again."

XXX

When we walk through the door, Sam's mother is having a very heated discussion with someone on a telephone. When she sees Sam and I she hurriedly whispers something and hangs up. "Hello again Tessa, to what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you again?" Mrs Hinell seems flustered.

Luckily Sam jumps in before I have to explain what I am doing in her house again. "Well Mother, Tessa does not have anywhere to go. She doesn't come from around here and needs somewhere to stay, she has been sleeping in the forest up until now. So I thought that she could stay here, in the spare room. Please mother, we need to help her." He defends. I might hit him again, his mother will think I asked if I could stay here.

Mrs Hinell narrows her eyes, "Thom, come in here and entertain our guest please," she says sternly, "and as for you Sam, I will talk to you in the Kitchen if you don't mind." From the look on her face I think she might explode.

A boy who could only be Sam's brother comes into view. They have the same ragged brown hair, the dimples in the cheeks. "Hello, my name's Thom. I presume you're my little brother's friend," he says, offering me his hand. I shake it and say, "Nice to meet you Thom. My name's Tessa."

He takes his mother's place on the couch as Mrs Hinell drags Sam into the Kitchen. Thom sighs, "Sam's really in for it now. He keeps trying to help people and Mam keeps getting on at him for it, you never know who could be a spy."

Involuntary, I flinch. I can't help it. It's as if when someone mentions the name of the person who you have a crush on. My heart starts to pulsate rapidly in my chest, I start to hyperventilate. Thom doesn't look as if he is on to me. He just looks at me curiously, "Tessa," he begins, "are you feeling alright?"

I shake my head. "Do you have a bathroom I could use please?" my voice tiny. Thom nods and points to a small door on my right. "Be careful," he warns, "We don't have that much hot water left."

In the bathroom I throw up. I throw up anything good that was in my system. I fall to the floor, the toilet cool against my back. The practical part of me says it must be the food I ate that made me throw up but the other part says different.

I hear heated voices coming from the room that backs onto this one. I realise it must be the kitchen. I manage to drag myself up and sit down. So, from my little porcelain perch, I can hear a very heated conversation.

"…. mother, it's not as if she's going to harm anyone is she?" says Sam.

"That's not the point Sam and you know it. With your father being away, there isn't a lot of money coming in. Besides, remember what you're father said?"

"Mother, she's not an idiot, of course she knows about the war. How could you not? Father doesn't need to know either, he's in the Capitol for another six weeks anyway, maybe Tessa will be gone by then?" Sam offers, he's right, I will be long gone with hopefully enough information.

"Sam, I just don't know what to think of you sometimes. I'm glad you want to help this person and she does seem like a very nice girl."

"Oh she is. Please, pretty please?" Sam pleads, I can imagine his little puppy dog face.

"Fine then Sam. But don't you come asking me for anything for at least two weeks. Understood?" she warns and I can hear Sam run away from his mother and in to the living room, my cue to go in.

"Hi." I say to Sam which makes him whirl around to face me, his face breaks into a delightful grin.

"Mother said you can stay!" he smiles and then pulls me down the hallway to what I assume is the guest bedroom.

XXX

Later on I sneak out of the house, It backs on to the forest which is perfect. In my hand I hold a wireless communicator, the one I was given when I graduated the one year course at the academy. I was told it was my lifeline, that if I ever needed anything, this was my first port of call.

I finger the Capitol seal, bright gold against the stark black of the leather case. I flip it open before I can change my mind, and dial the last number called. On the screen comes up a picture of the person I'm dialling, then his actual face. A video call, aint I lucky.

"Sir," I say, nodding my head to the man in the picture.

"What is it, I'm a very busy man?" he snaps and inside I sigh.

"Sir, you told me I had to check in with you after twenty fours hours. Do you not remember sir?" I say, fake concern in my voice.

"Yes, I remember now. Tell me, have you made any contact with anyone yet?" He says, in the voice of a man who has better things to do.

I hesitate, just the slightest bit, "No," I lie, "No sir, I have not made contact with anybody yet."

"Well hurry up, we need information or the districts will win this bloody war, and we can't have that."

"No sir, of course not." I agree half-heartedly.

"Very well then. And Loreza?" he says just as I am about to disconnect the call.

"Yes sir?"

"Stay safe." He rings off.

Loreza, my real name. Normal for the Capitol, flamboyant for the districts. To be honest, I prefer being Tessalie, and not just because of the name.

XXX

If you hold your breath under water and touch your hands to your chest, you can feel your heartbeat. Strong and sure, beating like a hummingbird's wings. It's the only thing that feels sure and strong. When you come back to the surface, you forget about that and try to juggle everything else in your life. Which is kind of like trying to juggle slippery fish, just when you think you've got I clutched firmly in your hand, it falls.

Lying in bed at night is strange. Don't get me wrong, it's a very nice bed, soft and luxurious but the sounds outside the window are too soft. In the Capitol everything is noisy and rumbling whereas here, here there is only the soft county sounds.

I have no idea why I lied to the commander about Sam. Possibly to protect him, but why would I do that? Oh who am I kidding? It _was _to protect him, protect him from the people who would dig through his family history and find things never meant to be revealed. The people who would put a tail on every member of his family, the people who would possibly kill his father if they knew he was in the Capitol. I owe him that much, to protect him from that.

But the wireless communicator sit in my palm under the pillow. The Capitol seal feels as if it's scorching my skin, burning into me, like the truth.

**Sorry that was quite terrible : ( **


	4. Chapter 3

**Hello guys, I'm having a huge writer's block at the moment so any ideas for this story would be really appreciated. Thanks. **

I don't have any brothers or sisters. I have a cousin though, Erika. She's tall, beautiful and smart - everything I'm not. She's also a contract assassin, hired to take out high-profile targets long distance. Occasionally she will get close to a mark and then leave him/her with a cosy bed six feet under. For the most part, she is gorgeous.

I look at my reflection in the mirror, willing myself to be a bit taller, a bit curvier. Instead, look at me: 5ft10 with black hair, pale, full of sharp corners instead of curves. I swear I am the result of a genetic incident. I prefer black to pink, trousers to dresses and flats to heels. It's probably a good thing I'm staying at Sam's house, if it was just me, I would throw a hairbrush at the mirror.

When I go down for breakfast, everyone has started already. I have just sat down at the table when Sam's mother puts a big bowl of porridge in front of me and hands me a spoon. I just look up at her, "Come on honey, eat up. You're too skinny ." she encourages. I spoon it into my mouth, it tastes delicious. But I remember why I'm there, what I'm meant to be doing and it sticks in the back of my throat.

"Now dear, do you have any clothes that you need washed or anything?" Mrs Hinell asks after we have all finished. I run back up to my room and bring down my backpack. In the kitchen I hand her my meagre pile. She looks down as if two pairs of cargo pants, three v-neck long sleeve shirts and some underwear isn't much. There is also my jacket but that doesn't need washed.

"Oh sweetheart, this is hardly anything. You don't even have any nightwear. Tell you what, I think I have some things of Sam's sister's that might fit you. I'll show you after breakfast." she says at first in horror but then in contentment, happy that a course of action has been decided.

Half an hour later Sam and I are sitting on the low stone wall outside his house. I'm wearing my khaki cargo pants and one of those long shirts, Sam's mother said it was fine as long as I wore something, -and I quote "girly and feminine"- in the house.

I watch people walk past us and give me suspicious glances. I honestly can't blame them. Between my attire and my appearance and the fact they have never seen me before, it's not surprising. I have been trained to ignore people's glances or act nonchalant under their gaze but I'm not perfect, it's harder than I think.

Sam puts his arm on my knee, "It's fine Tessa, they know you're not a spy or anything. They're just curious." I know he's trying to make me feel better but it makes me feel guilty. Then I remember that I shouldn't be feeling guilty, these people started this rebellion, and we're going to end it.

Sam then turns to me, his hand dropping off my knee leaving me feel empty in a way I can't explain. "Tessa, do you think those people are evil?"

I don't need to ask who _people _are. I know he's talking about that Capitol. I take a deep breath and shake my head, "No, I don't think they're evil."

"Why?" comes the reply. He's not shocked, just merely curious, "I mean look at what they have done to us, to everything."

I don't want to look, I am a coward, I can't face it. "I don't believe anyone is truly evil. Just because you do something bad doesn't mean you automatically cross the line to becoming evil. Ask the guy who stole to feed his family or the guy who killed because someone hurt someone close to him, you don't just cross the line. But sometimes the line creeps up on you, and, before you know it, you're standing on the other side."

"That's what I'd like to believe Tessa, but it's hard sometimes. You know?" Sam says, his eyes so soft and sad.

"Yeah," I say, reaching for his hand, "I know."

XXX

I am helping Mrs Hinell with the laundry. She didn't want me to but I insisted, I need to do something to ease my conscience.

I am folding a pile of darks when I come across a black dress. It seems trivial but it's not. It's the only dress I own. Stuffed at the bottom of my backpack. It's my mother's dress. I take it with me everywhere, It still smells faintly of her which is why I carry it in a special bag. But now it's been washed, now she's gone.

I hold the dress up shaking, "Mrs Hinell," I say as politely as I can, "Why did you wash this?" My teeth are clattering with rage.

She looks up, surprised though her face clears when she sees what I'm talking about. "Oh that. Well it was at the bottom of your bag and I thought I should maybe wash it, so it's clean for when you next wear it."

I will never wear it again but she doesn't know that. I feel my eyes start to water, "You had no right!" I yell, tears starting their long descent down my cheeks. Mrs Hinell doesn't yell back at me, she simply looks confused as to why I would get upset about the fact that she washed my dress.

"It was my mother's. The only thing I have left of her, the only memory that wasn't tainted with sadness and now it's gone!" I half yell half sob. "She's gone." I whisper.

"Oh honey I am so sorry, I had no idea." Mrs Hinell instantly apologises. She opens her arms and I fall into them, glad to let go. I can feel myself crumble but it's so hard to keep upright. I sink to the floor, Mrs Hinell falling with me. She strokes my hair and murmurs words of comfort into my head. I just cry.

The memories flood back, those dark ones after my mother died. When my father thought all the answers were at the bottom of a wine bottle, he just had to figure out which one. When I enrolled at the CWIC academy and was taught to fight. When my father would bang his head off the wall, just to silence the voices in his head. I didn't just lose my mother that day, I lost my father as well.

"I am so sorry, I didn't know you had lost your mother. I wish I could do something to make it better." Mrs Hinell whispers, pushing me away from her so she can get a better look at me.

"No it's me who should be apologising. I didn't mean to get worked up and yell at you." I say, "and I'm sorry for crying like that."

"You should never apologise for crying Tessa. Sometimes that's just what we need for everything to feel better, to let out all the emotions you're harbouring inside." She says sternly.

Just then Sam bursts through the door, his face worried. When he spots me he momentarily looks relieved but then he sees his mother's arms around me.

"What's going on? I lost you, Tessa so I was looking for you, then Thom said you were here helping mother. What's wrong?"

It's his mother who answers, letting go of me and standing up. "Now listen here Sam, Tessa has got a bit upset so I want you to look after her, I mean it." she warns, glaring at him.

"Oh I see. Come on Tessa, I'll take you to your room." Sam says gently, easing me up from the floor. I accept his hand gratefully, not trusting my feet to keep me steady. We walk slowly, with Sam's arm around me.

"There you go," he says, dropping me into the wicker chair in the room. I sink into it and take shaky deep breaths.

"Eyelash," Sam whispers and uses his thumb to gently wipe it away from my eye. "Make a wish."

I don't. There is nothing I want at the minute, nothing to hope for. I look outside and see a light breeze blowing the trees outside, their green leaves brushing against the window. I sway with the sound.

"Maybe you should sleep Tessa?" he suggests, "Everything will look better later. I promise." and he leaves, closing the door gently behind him.

I feel so tired and sick, I almost believe him.

XXX

The guy across from me gives me a dirty look. I give him one right back. My head is aching and I'm not in the mood to play nice and lisp the information out of him. I decide to play the bad girl for today.

"Who are you?" asks the guy sharply, coming over to sit on the grass next to me. His green eyes glowering.

"Depends, who wants to know?" I reply gruffly, looking about for Sam who wandered off to get food ten minutes ago.

"Jonah wants to know." The guy replies.

"I'm guessing you're Jonah?" I say,

"Yay, give the girl some brownie points." says Jonah sarcastically, making all his friends fall into fits of laughter. Come on, it wasn't that funny.

"No need for that, I was only asking." I say, trying not to get into a fight.

"Don't care. Answer my question." Jonah demands, his face darkening.

"Tessalie, Tessalie Evans. Now back off." I say fiercely.

"Weird name. What you gonna do to me if I don't back off. This?" he laughs and punches me in the nose. All of his friends make laughing noises as if punching a girl is as funny as all hell. I sit there, stoic and silent while Jonah kicks me in the stomach, making me double over.

"Ha, you're a spy. That's the only reason you're here, nobody else would visit this shit hole for any other reason." he sneers, getting a cold satisfaction from seeing me in pain. I could take him if I wanted to, but then that might back up the theory that I'm a spy.

"Come on girl, not going to fight back?" he challenges. I get up slowly, faking a wince. He sees this and laughs, then goes straight for the kill with a knockout blow to the stomach again.

This is enough. When he comes for me again I dodge out of his way. He just changes direction and barrels towards me, getting a surprise when I grab his arm and throw him over my shoulder, hard. Jonah lies on the ground for a moment or two then gets back up, a smug little smile on his face. He comes for me again but I spin and kick, knocking the rock out of his hands. Did he seriously think I would let him hit me with that thing?

By now all of his friends have stopped laughing. Jonah, annoyed by his lack of success, comes for me again so I land a well placed blow to the nose. Blood starts to flow immediately. His Cheshire cat grin is gone now, replaced by a cold anger. He lunges one last time and with a simple kick, I send him sprawling onto his back, the life knocked out of him.

One of his friends stares at me and then whispers, "yeah guys, I think we should get out of here. Don't wanna get on the wrong side of her." Thy all run off, without a backwards glance at Jonah.

Sam comes back holding two minute jars of sweets. "Sorry Tessa, this was all I could-" he begins, cut off by the sight of Jonah lying flat on his back, struggling to inhale, struggling to exhale. "What the hell happened here?"

I shrug, "he started to punch and kick me. So I just gave it back to him. All the gits he calls friends ran off."

"Wow Tessa, where did you learn those moves, I saw someone fighting but had no idea it was you?" Sam asks in awe.

I shrug again, "My father made me take self-defence classes." Totally not a lie.

"Wow, maybe we should get you back home and see to your nose seen to?" Sam suggests, leading me by the hand. Oh yeah, my nose. I'd completely forgotten about that. Now that I think about it, I feel the pressure build and then something bursts for thick hot blood starts pouring out.

"Drat," Sam mutters under his breath, before reaching for a clump of moss. "Here, hold this up to your nose until we get back."

I do as he asks but just as we are about to go, Jonah manages to get himself to his feet. He comes towards me, nostrils flaring. I couldn't fight him even if I tried, I am too weak from blood loss. "You bitch," he spits the words. He pulls his hand back and all the lights in the world go out.

XXX

I become awake slowly, my senses returning to me. I can hear voices so I pretend to stay asleep, wanting to hear what's being said.

"….. I swear I might kill him." A voice says angrily, I think it's Sam.

"That won't do any good. You know it won't." Another voice. Thom?

"I don't bloody care! You can't just go punch people because they bet you in a fight." The words are dripping with anger.

"I talked to some of his friends. Apparently he started it, goading Tessa until she finally lashed out. They say she had some pretty mean moves, like she was trained or something." Thom whispers, trying but failing to calm down Sam.

There is a harsh laugh, "Are you suggesting that she's a spy?"

"No, but she must have learned those moves somewhere."

"She told me she took a self-defence class."

"Well there you go then, no problem." Thom says.

Sam lowers his voice, "Have you heard about the Tracker Jackers?"

"Yes. Apparently the soldiers have found that smoke sedates them. They are trying to keep it secret though, just in case the information falls into the wrongs hands." Oh, unfortunately for Thom and Sam, the have unknowingly let it fall into the wrong hands. Mine.

I pretend to awake before I hear any more information. Because I will feel obliged to pass it on and I can't do that. I'm already feeling guilty. So, if I don't hear anything, I have no information to pass on.

Sam is instantly at my side, "Oh thank god you're okay Tessa." He says, risking a glance at my head. I lift my arm and tentatively feel the bandage. "There's one hell of a lump under there Tessa, mother did all she could."

I try to find my voice, "how long have I been out ?" my voice is dry and gravely.

"Two days Tessa." It's Thom who answers, "That little Jonah kid ran off after he knocked you out. He's fifteen but you wouldn't think it." and he laughs, a small short laugh which has nothing to do with finding the situation funny.

I fall back onto the pillow, exhausted from that small tiny effort. I feel my eyelids start to droop. Thom and Sam start to talk again but I'm asleep before I can catch a word.

XXX

It has been two days. I have finally managed to get out of the house, after convincing Mrs Hinell that a walk was a good thing, to help clear my mind. The atmosphere was starting to get oppressive. In my hand I carry the wireless communicator. I scroll through the updates section and check if I have any missed calls or messages, none. Not even a word.

When the foliage conceals me enough, I dial Commander Dalwright's number, I have not checked in with him for five days, you think he would have at least messaged me to see if I was okay. It rings five times before he answers, another video call.

"What is it soldier?" he barks, "I haven't heard from you in five days!" See, this is what I'm talking about, he's blaming _me _for not making contact.

"Sorry sir, I have been occupied with injury." I try to placate him before he get's really mad. At the corner of the screen, I can see the glass of whiskey in his hand.

He seems to notice the bandage around my head then, "What the hell happened to you? I thought I told you no fighting unless necessary, people will figure out." He hisses at me, very much like a snake.

"Sir, I did not start the fight. Besides, the boy who punched me here knocked me out, so I was to contact you."

"Very well," I can hear him clicking his heels, "so, do you have any information for me?"

I take a deep breath, "Yes sir, I do. Apparently the rebels have figured out that smoke sedates the Tracker Jackers we have planted."

"How the hell did they figure that out?" he mutters under his breath, "Soldier, do you have any idea who told you this information. We need to contain them and fast."

My heart beats faster in my chest, I can't do it. "No sir," I lie, "No sir, I have no idea."

**I am desperately in need of some ideas for this story, I am open to all suggestions. **


	5. Chapter 4

**Hello guys, please review! Please, pretty please :'( **

Some things are better left unsaid. When saying something, you risk opening up old wounds, cutting them afresh when people took so long to close them up. Some things people think about every day but don't need reminded about them. So when Sam says, "Tell me something about yourself, you never talk about you?" I feel those cuts start to bleed again.

The day is beautiful, really making July live up to its title as a summer month. Sam's mother is hanging out the sheets behind me and I can smell the lemony detergent coming from them. I'm not allowed to leave the house because the lump on my head is still quite big, a sickly yellow/green colour at my hairline. Sam's mother doesn't want me to go out and faint or something like that.

I turn to Sam, all the detailed lies in my head but then they just blow out. I feel the need to tell him the truth, I'll just switch up the names. "My full name is Tessalie Evans. I am fourteen years old and my birthday is February 8th." I say quickly, hoping that will satisfy his curiosity.

Of course it doesn't. "Come on Tessa, that's just stuff you would find on an identification pass. I want to know deep things." He says, rolling his eyes as if I am to thick to get it the first time. Of course I understood him, I just didn't want to.

Behind me, I hear Mrs Hinell tut, "Sam! You can't just ask people for their private information, it has nothing to do with you. The past is sometime to painful to relive." I know she's thinking about my mother, but that's not the only painful thing.

To hell with it. "My mother died when I was ten years old, a week after my tenth birthday. My father sank into deep depression and turned to drink, thinking it would give him all the answers. He has since recovered and is now someone of importance-" I gasp, realising what I have just let out. Sam doesn't cotton on though, he's maybe thinking my father owns a shop or is mayor. It's not that far away from the truth, sort of.

Sam looks shocked, as if he's witnessing a horror. "Oh my gosh I am so sorry Tessa, I can't imagine losing a parent." He reaches over and puts a hand on mine and for the first time I see who he really is: a scared little boy who can't understand why all this is happening.

"It's okay." I say, telling myself sternly not to cry. My own inner voice can be a real pain sometimes. Especially when Sam asks, "What happened?"

Deep breath, "I was at my cousin's party (Not Erika, her sister, Malaya) and was coming home, she came to pick me up. We were driving along-"

"Driving?" asks Sam. Drat, I forgot momentarily.

"Erm yeah, we lived in district one for a while, but when she died we moved." I say, wincing a little. I hope that was believable.

"Oh okay then, continue."

"Well …we were driving along and she turned to me and said, "I love you," I was a bit thrown because it was a random time but I said back, "I love you too." Then everything went back to normal. All of a sudden there was a loud bang and the sound of something hitting mud, but we were in the middle of the road. I turned to face mother and there she was, a stunned expression on her face. Sickeningly I looked down and saw a … a red stain covering her chest area." I can't continue, my tears coming now.

"It's okay Tessa, continue, it will help you."

I gulp, "It caused a car crash." can that really be my voice? "And a traffic jam that lasted for four hours, the longest of my life. We were involved in the crash, I remember someone cutting the car open and lifting us out of the carnage. That's the only thing I remember, until I got told my mother was dead." I'm sobbing now, freely.

There are things I don't tell Sam, like how a person's life leaves their touch first and their eyes last. That when someone dies, the world moves in slow motion, people's speech is just words bunched together. That you feel the whole world should stop moving because yours has.

Sam pulls me into him, his arm tightly around me. My mother died because someone shot her, because someone from the districts shot her. It's one reason I joined CWIC - Capitol Warfare Information Control - It's also the reason why I pull myself away from Sam, and excuse myself to my room.

XXX

That night I sleep and have a dreamless sleep. Lately, I've had horrible nightmares. Nightmares about reliving my mother dying in all different horrible ways. I don't dream tonight but I am restless. I sleep until two am.

Early morning looks very pretty. The sun is just starting to come up and eve though it's only two o' clock, birds are chirping their heads off and the air is cool and clear. I breathe deeply and set off for the woods. I'm dressed in my khaki pants and my black shirt again. These clothes help me feel comfortable.

I find the place in the woods where I woke up. It hasn't rained and I can still see my blood on the rock from the gash on my back. I finger the rough bandage that I tie on my back every morning and night. Nobody knows it's there, neither can I remember how I got it. It hurts but it's a good thing, it reminds me of the mission I have to do.

In my hand I have a list of the heads of the rebel organisation. I found them when I broke into Jonah's house. He'll probably be waking up with a _very _sore head. This little beauty was hidden behind the bookshelf in his bedroom. I also found his baby pictures behind there, so cute and chubby.

I can't decide what to do with it. I don't have my wireless communicator with me, on purpose. I have the list on purpose. If I tell commander Dalwright then I have the power to potentially shut down the whole organisation and stop this war sooner rather than later. If I tell commander Dalwright, I risk being sent back to the Capitol, on all of the news broadcasts, becoming important. I can't have that, my speciality is remaining invisible and if I don't have that, I don't have anything. Most of all, I risk losing Sam.

I smack my hands against my head, trying to stop the voices bickering inside. One voice is telling me to do it, I don't care about Sam, he's just a means to an end. But the other … the other is telling me not to, that I care about Sam and should protect him. He took me in when he didn't even know me, protected me and let me cry on his shoulder. I can't just ignore that.

There are some things that just are meant to be, maybe this new life is one of them. I can't go on being Tessalie Evans because that's not who I really am. It's time to go back to being Loreza and that means becoming an agent again, that means making my academy proud. But it's not easy, you spend your whole life training to be somebody else, being yourself is alien.

Sooner or later, people asking questions. Where do I come from ? What's my family history? I care going to bean't avoid the question, people will know I'm a spy. I can't just run away either, I haven't fulfilled my mission brief. The best thing to do is to fade slowly from their lives. Become so distant that when I leave, they'll hardly notice.

Of course none of this will be easy, but I didn't expect it to be. From now on I'm going to be the person I should be, Loreza, agent for the CWIC. Loreza, with a single parent and the uncanny ability to remain invisible. And to be honest, I like the sound of that.

**I'm sorry if that's really short but my chapters will be varying in length. If you have given me any ideas they have been taken into account but just have not appeared in this chapter. I'm sorry this took so long to upload but I had school issues and then I was unwell and have just managed to drag myself to my laptop to type so if this doesn't make sense, it's because I'm unwell. If I don't update before then I hope you all have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ! **


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